Sunday, December 31, 2006
Sombre Mood before a new year...
some of you may have realised i always blog in the wee hour of your bedtime--morning... i guess having a slightly tweaked sleeping habit does has its advantage, it gives me the personal space i need to constantly reflect on the many aspect of living a life. gone were the days where i lie on the bed pondering over real philosopical topic like why am i here? what are religion for? nowaday, i tend to look at the more micro aspect like, how do i improve myself as a person? how do people perceived me? have i done anything that might offend people? or why is this person acting so strangely?
31 december, this is probably my last entry for this year. unfortunately, i will end the year 2006 on a low note. overall this year has been a good year. as a matter of fact, i feel i have accomplished alot more this year than ever before in my life. so why end such a good year on a low note? cos at this point of time, i am PMS-ing, feeling low and moody. not because i am feeling nostalgic or because school vacation is ending. but i just have this rotten "burnt out" feeling in me, which shouldn't be happening... at least ideally.
somewhere around end oct, i remember telling some smu peeps that i feel burnt out from all the socialising i have to do in school. yes, ty ain't a social animal, and hanging around too much with people tires him out, cos i am a sharp person, i pick out behaviours much faster than others, and the more i see the more delusional i get. somewhere towards the end of the sem, it just tolls on me. i realise i urgently need a break from these bunch of people.
funny thing is, at this point of my vacation, i have the same feeling... i need a break, i want to go back to school... i need a break from the very bunch of people whom i called friends. over the last few days, i realised how elusive i am to many people. i may understand them well, i may be physically there, but most of the time, most people don't feel the connection with me. honestly, i find that quite disappointing. being a strong advocator of individualism, i'll go the extra mile to treat each person that i know as individual, with unique treatment and stuff. but i think that's my mistake in life too. cos i am slightly different in front of almost everyone, no one really knows who i am. bcos i spend too much time trying to give and give and give. no one knows what i really want. such that when it is my time to take, people don't even know.
for those of who feels that ty is really one nice guy, my answer to that is honestly, i know i am not. knowing me is a double edge sword. yeah, i can be nice and accomodating, but on a bad day, i suck to the core. eg... pms. i know how unreasonable i can get on a pms day. i am quite convinced none of my current circle of friend can last a ty pms session and still walk away straight faced. when i give, i give without thinking twice. when i make the sacrifice for you all, you all probably won't even know about it. but of course, that will come as a price. the more i give, the higher the expectation i have. and that is where the problem lies... different people value different aspect of friendship. what i value as the most essential and fundamental may not be what other perceived.
i dunno, at this point, i am feeling totally messed up. honestly, i have been through these phases umpteen times and each time i always end up feeling the same way. the same problem arises time and time again. trying hard to string my fragmented thoughts into a coherent paragraph but i can't. but i'll hold true to my bottomline, as i know many of my friends do read my blog. you peeps are still dear to me. really. i will still give my all for you all and its inevitable that conflict arises every once in a while. for me, when i am pissed, the last thing i wanna hear are endless "sorry" cos it didn't mean a thing. i want to be appease like everyone else, but words to me are cheap. its the action that counts.
posted @ 10:24 AM ||
Monday, December 25, 2006
I want a piece of the coveted Christmas No 1!
Its christmas. In european countries, alot of singers rushed to released their best song of the year to grab the coveted no 1 singles for the festive period. Looking through the history of UK, there have been surprise winners like Telebubbies, Bob the Builder. This year, i attempt to grab a share of the pie. but I GOT MENTAL BLOCK. I sit down but nothing came to me. The songs which came from me year in year out is all the same. Same old melancholic style, same old glummy lyrics of a sensitive new age guy. I want a musical breakthrough, i want new life experience. Perhaps, this explains to some people why the ty they know consumes so much "new" things. cos he is always looking for new inspiration, new ideas to keep himself going.
but nonetheless, whilst i was running through my play list, i found a nice chinese tune which suits the mood of christmas. Its a singer that many of us know... RAINIE! yeah, since her days from 4-in love i knew she would go far, and i was right! see! the whole group is gone but she is still there, singing, hosting, and she's is no longer the cutsy girl she started off as. She's now a variety show bitch who stands next to Jacky Wu and matches him in clowning around and stealing the lime light. Maybe that is what makes me take a second look at her. The innate bitch blood flowing in her.
On the other hand, realise that i have another youtube video on the right hand corner of the blog. The opening chord is harmonica! impressed. its an old track with a very age old title and theme, but the lead singer of cardigan. Was suppose to post some sound clip, but all the scripts failed. For those of you which visit often enough (if not, SHAME on you), you would have realise that there some console bar at that place which doesn't bring out sound. Tried ways and mean to rectify it, but apparently, i have to host the sound clip on blogger to bring out the sound (doesn't sound hard, but blogger don't allow me to that).
posted @ 10:15 PM ||
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Hey Santa, u better read this if you don't wanna be a meano
I know its the time of the year where you get busy with your pixies? elves? faeries? (whatever those little imps that hides with you are... let's just call them PACKERS). This festive season, i have provided a list of people whom i feel oughta received something from you and of course, i will also help lighten your load by providing a list of people whom you should not send anything to.
People whom you oughta send a gift to:
1)The nice people whom i bump into in thailand.
eg the station guard at Hualumpong Train Station. The chinese who work in the medical shop in ayutthaya who doesn't know chinese. The police in ayutthaya who is always scratching his crouch. The producer who allow us to take picture with the masked rider. These are the people who have in their own capacity make thailand a nicer place for tourist. Of course, i remember what the producer said to us, please come back to thailand. Well, my answer to that is, thailand has indeed become a nicer place because of people like you (of course, i don't mind going back).
2)United Clinic Doc.
I seriously think he is a rare breed. He shares his medical knowledge with patients who are willing to lesson. Beside the usual the consultation, he gave me a lesson on the medicine he prescribed, my current condition and what is actually ongoing in my body. Of course, whilst most people wouldn't even care what he said. Being the nerdy me, he has successfully strike the right chord! There are some doc who are simply just too money minded, but i can tell one look from his face, he isn't. Kudos to his passion and his contribution to the medical arena.
3) En Qi
Haha. Somehow i got this feeling you will call me meano if i don't mention your name here, dunno why. Cmon. I also never told ya that, but thailand trip has been better bcos of u. Ya know, it wasn't easy to come up with an itinery to suit the diversified needs of the people. But i guess the bottomline is, even if the itinery suck, a good company can make up for it. which is what i am contented to have once the trip start, cos i realise the impossibility of coming up with something that appeases everyone. Of course, you have alot of whacky moments which always amuses me. Still remember what happen at mac before the movie? we were trying to plan the next day itinery and all you wanted was a few unknown places that is completely out of the way. yes, i admit i laugh at you. but i didn't do anything on purpose so that i could laugh at you. Of course, not to forget the talk cock session we have at night and in the day where ty talks perpetually about NOTHING. and of course, for putting up with my pussy behaviour. there is nothing wrong being pussy. sometime, its better to take extra precaution in foreign land, more impt to keep your body healthy. at the very least, our lips don't crack.
4)Sincere people
This group consist of a few people who deserve credits but are probably uncomfortable if i mention their names. along the course of the year, i know i haven't really given my all to my friends given the change in my stance towards my social life. instead of concentrating my efforts on a small group, i had diversify into many people in many groups and hence the dilution. but it is encouraging to know that there are people who still go the extra mile for me. eg when i am sick, come all the down to yishun to pay me a visit. helping me check my exam script when i am not in sg even when i didn't ask them to. sending me handwritten cards. Taking the initiative to do something when sometime i have literally slack off... oops.
5)Tianyu
Yes, santa. I WANT GIFTS TOO. cmon, i known i haven't been all that nice this year. always bitching and offending people. but sometime, look at the underlying reason why i am doing all this. the truth always hurt for most people. if i don't push them, most people will never know where their shortcoming lies. i think i have in my own nasty ways, brought about positive changes in many people towards their life, towards their work. it is a pity in the process of doing that, people end up hating me. i mean it is just too bad. but hey, i have to endure alot of such shit just to make this world a better place. surely i deserve something right? let me tell you what i want ok? i want voodoo dolls, as much as possible. please?
People who doesn't deserve a gift:
1)Scholars:
I seriously think the bulk of them are just a waste of public money. the amount spend on them are definitely much less than the EXTRA benefit they reap as compared to non scholar. no idea what is so special about them. along the course of the year, i have met all sort of scholars, scholars who free rides. scholars who are hopelessly nerdy and can never get beyond being a geek. scholars who have childish thought who can acheive academic excellence but near zero EQ and understanding towards the behaviours of others. So here you go, ALL NO PRESENT. GO DO SOME REFLECTION AND TRY TO DO SOMETHING TO JUSTIFY THAT YOU"RE WORTH THE MONEY and off course, perhaps generate some positive externalities.
2) Xiao Ren:
Yeah, to all those people out there, always sneaking here and there behind my back. YOU ALL HAVE BEEN CAUGHT AND EXPOSED. cmon, do you really think you can get away with it? i have my own "imp" network running all over. you guys are funny, really, spending the bulk of your time sneaking behind everyone's back, not really contributing towards society, trying to save your own skin. But the bottomline is, your actions have just proved my point on what i have to say about you. its disappointing to know that you people still see things superficially for what they appear to be. always so self centered and thinking the world about yourself... but let me tell you what you people can do to get the christmas gift you all want. go sneak into santas factory and steal!
3) NJ:
You have just given me my first B in economics module. but that doesn't really matter, i have the grade to take such a punishment, but you give C+ as the median grade? now, that makes you a real stooge for this christmas. what's your prob man? everyone offended you? how can you compare this cohort to your previous cohort? last sem, you grade based on take home assignments and open book tests. this sem, you grade based on closed book test and exam, of course the result is different lah. weird lei you. this is so obvious and you don't see the link. you wanna sit a ty- leveled maths paper? not that i can set damn hard question, but i can give you my pet topic and see how you cope. vector space? wanna try me? but anyway, i hope you have a bad christmas. think you are most likely back in your home country playing the snow. come to think of it, you didn't have to pay for you tertiary education cos its subsidized for you all. no wonder, you don't feel our pinch having to pay big bucks and still get shit grades. But anyway, you have just ruined almost everyone's christmas, that in itself is a gift for you, i presume. so happy holiday.
4) Yang Yaosheng:
You're always late for all our outing except when it comes to work. the last outing was the ultimate. 7.5 hours. can anyone beat that? you missed sports, you missed lunch. you missed bulk of the ktv session. its a mentality problem ya know? you value only grades and work. but you don't value your peers who are willing to go through thick and thin with you. time to start changing that mindset which u have dude. else, even with the most fantastic grade, you won't even go far in life.
5) Aishah:
The epitomy of evilness? hahaha. i bet she's damn happy that her name appear here. she's dying for that i presume. always being so evil, poking fun and peers non stop. though i can match her sometime, i will still prefer to be good. but i know for her, she take pride in poking fun at others. and most of all, santa, i know she dun give a damn about you. if she sees you, she will most likely make you eat her socks more than anything else. hahaha. so save the trip santa. don't even bother visiting her place, plain waste of time.
6)Santa:
Honestly santa, i don't think you deserve anything too. what's your problem man? why can't you just give everyone something? who must you shitlist people and deprive people of gifts? if you have read my previous post, you will know what i am unhappy about man. i hope you can do something to change that song man. not gonna look good on you. or maybe its the truth, then in his case, YOU SUCK. feeling piss? see what i mean by people being childish? cannot take criticism. hey, i meant well, ok? time to do some reflection too santa.
posted @ 1:56 PM ||
Friday, December 22, 2006
Santa Claus IS A MEANO!!!! -- tribute to the stoners
I was browsing through some random utopia kingdom names when i this on one of the kingdom tags:
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
The first thing that came to my mind is WHAT?!!! What is so wrong with pouting or crying? (I know I pout quite often). Hey! the first line is WATCH OUT. so threatening. didn't realise that this old time favourite Christmas tune has such lousy lyrics, or perhaps this particular tweaked the lyrics here and there.
It just occur to me that ever since i got out of army, i have started playing utopia all over again. I remember way back in 2001-2002, i was playing it and it took me quite some time to get a winning team of players. Still remember people like Klistnos from Israel who incidentally entered army roughly the same time as me, and Darkness who has since got married and is now a father of 2 kids. Eric, who always insist on playing undead shepherd even though it is a damn useless combination. Of course, who can ever forget, tears, my old time buddy from singapore. We called our selves the Forgotten and at our peak we were ranked top 10 in the world consistently. Alas, all things have to come to an end. The kingdom disbanded in december 2002, with both me and klistnos having to quit the game for military service.
In 2005, i restarted another account, and i got into Mousey's kingdom, it was a relatively weak kingdom. I thought if i preservere, i could eventually train enough players to be good enough. haha, i was wrong. some people just cannot learn. 2 seasons later, mousey decide that it was better for the core members (him, me and JPL crazy dwarf) to leave for greener pasture. it was also around that time that tears (who also got out of army recently) gave me an account in his kingdom, the stoners.
Many things since happened, i spend 6 season there before the kingdom finally acheived something. last season, we had a whopping 8 wins of out a possible of 9 which rank us world no 2. This season, all is well for us to repeat that streak again. Pity, all good things will not last. The kingdom will once again disband in April 2007 due to commitments by some of the core members. Of course, i will remember my time with the stoners, over the past few season, i think they become more than just gamers on msn list. we have become friends. had many long conversation that does not pertain to the game. With the core members mainly coming from Singapore and Malaysia. It is not hard to guess why communication is so smooth. Same tone of language, same time zone. We'll meet, after all is over for one final gathering in malaysia (as agreed).
Last but not least, i have to mention some names of the people in stoners which had stayed on and brought about the success of this kingdom. Putra, Chern Yee, Adrian, Tears, Nagisa, Caspron, Laky, Juansi, Phenomenal, LLNeosia, Ogrelynx, Ice and of course myself, Eland. ( i still love myself MORE).
posted @ 2:58 PM ||
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Wah... i so long never post, no wonder people complain
I just realised, this is my first post this month, actually there were a few more post which i didn't complete or i censored it off because its too nerdy, so it never made it to public. can't be helped though, spent the bulk of the last month mugging for exams and trying to pull of some miracles, which didn't happen (actually, i did manage to pull up my grades overall, but not as much as i thought i could). perhaps, its time to accept i am a has been. i may be still good, but not as good as i was before.
over the course of last week, i was in bangkok... here's the planned trip before we set off.
Stimulation of Bangkok trip
Day 1: Arrival at / Suvarnahumi Airport at 9:30am (GMT + 7:00)
Not sure of both the arrival time and the airport. There is train at Don Huang Airport direct to Ayutthaya, if not, we will take a cab from the airport into Bangkok City Area. Hua Lamphong Train Station. From there, it is another 90minutes journey into Ayutthaya.
Upon arrival, first thing to do is to check into the hotel and grab some lunch (expecting to reach Ayutthaya lastest by 1pm). From then on, there are a few things to do. a) rent a bike round the place to explore its ruins (quite a lot), b)Dig out the best elephant rider stall. (there are some in the heart of the city but they go mundane route, there are some which offer baby elephants… NO… we want the want that gives up the best and I had no idea where there is, so we have to explore. c) we are in luck. Dec 13,1991 marks the day where Ayutthaya is being designated as a World Heritage Site by UNSECO. Basically there will be quite some ongoing activities. So, yes, we shall stay there for a night.
Day 2: Ayutthaya-- Bangkok
Depending on the time we have, the next day we either continue with exploration or just do some souvenir shopping. Will leave Ayutthaya for our “main course”—Bangkok latest by afternoon.
Don’t really think we can achieve much by then, so the best we can do is some shopping for the time being. For a start, we will explore Chi Lom/ Sala Daeng Area and we will end off with some a trip to Patpong--- bangkok’s sin city with transversite and whatever you name it. Of course, if we do reach early, we can consider going to Chinatown.
Day 3: Bangkok
Being the day with a trip to Lumphini Park for a boat ride in the lake. Not too long, as the main itinery of the day is shopping in MBK and Siam center. Once we are done with that, we’ll go Suan Lum Night Bazaar, and if our budget allows—puppet show… if not… a taste of thai movie… the one where everyone stands to the national anthemn
Day 4: Bangkok
River trail day… Spend the day going up and down the chao praya river coast. I haven’t really thought of the order yet as there are a lot of things to be done at the river. Not sure, if we can complete it in one day. Morning, we will visit the 2 palace--- grand palace and vimanek palace. There is also shopping at Thanon Khao Sen. We should also stop by the west coast—Thonburi and Nonthaburi for a while for the suburban lifestyle of Bangkok.
Day 5: Bangkok- Sg
Day 5 is basically shopping. we’ll visit only 2 place. Chatuchat and Pratunam.
in reality:
Day 1: Arrive at airport at 10:30, and took cab to the train station. had lunch at the train station. travelled to ayutthaya. didn't rent bike as the bike ain't bicycle but motor bike. ride elephant on that day itself, and do night shopping at the bazaar. had dinner at roadside stalls and a wimp taste of extreme gourmet: mealworms... other creepy crawler were out of the equation (yes, that is how nerdy i have evolved over the year, instead of saying out of the question, i say out of the equation)
Day 2: Mortal Kombat scene hunting in Ayutthaya. Then check out and leave for Bangkok. Upon reaching the hotel, we shopped around pratunam area. (realise the difference from the original plan?)
Day 3: Lumphini Park in the morning, MBK, Siam Centre in the afternoon followed by night movie. (still pretty much the same as the original plan, surprisingly).
Day 4: The plan was changed to 2 river ride which was reduced to 1 on that day itself, still very sure that i got cheated by the hotel staff. I EXPLICITLY SAW TOURISTS in the canal boat that day. Anyway, the plan b back then was to take the canal boat to bobae market and visit wat ratchatnam and take a sky view of the bangkok from the wat, go khao sen too see its hyped, take river boat ride back to sala daeng area and visit patpong night market.
what happen on that day is this: visit khaosen (scrap the river ride). take river ride to Nonthaburi (by mistake) take river boat back to Saphak Thasin and to Sala Daeng, and visit the Patpong district.
Day 5: Chatuchak and Pratunam (as planned).
For some reason, many things came to mind when i see the planned and the actual. geez, too much of school work, and too much diversity in subject. There is a layman work to look at actual vs plan. there is also economics perspective and accounting perspective. how academic can i get? well, very. especially after i look through the unposted entry i have. in short, looking at the 2 plan, a)not bad, managed to stick to plan, at least for the bulk of it. b)ad-hoc decisions are important too... (which many people don't get it, there is no such thing as failure to plan early=plan to fail.) That is the ego tripping part, did some thinking on the whole trip. of course, i won't give myself too high a rating. this is my 2nd trip, i expect things differently for myself, which is in contrast to what my travel mates wants (and of course, further aggravated by gender differences). when i first plan this, i didn't look at things from their perspective enough, ie, i didn't try to remember how i was like during my first trip. and of course, i can be accused of hypocriscy, cos being the master mind of the original plan, i didn't know the ground enough. didn't know the location of the ayutthaya hotel, didn't realli know how to get from one place to another or where is exactly is the next destination. in terms of personality management, i was surprisingly weak.
in all, did a weak post of the "management" perspective of the trip. will post more crap... speaking of which, for some reason, i realise i am indeed schizo. i can never seem to be able to translate my crapping prowess online. damn.
posted @ 3:58 PM ||
