Thursday, April 19, 2007
what i have to do vs what i want
This post is meant to be depressing, I was looking at a clip "Profile of a High School Killer", and i realised, the description fits me. I am quite dark actually, just that probably, the thought of killing people never crossed my mine, but the thought of leaving everything behind and the leading the life of some recluse still lingers strongly.
its been almost a week of vacation, and have i done anything which i want for myself? as a matter of fact no. its been cca, and as usual, i have to do it almost entirely alone. even when i am out with friends, phone calls come in. i am facing my own problems with many aspect. social life is nothing but a mess. look at my commitee, most of them have internship and ain't interested to do anything. i leave them to handle a simple event while i handle the mega event alone. even then, the progress of the simple event by a team seems slower than a complex event by an individual.
got back some grades already, very good, by many people's standard. not good in my opinion, for one subject, i expect more, for the other, it hits me. the sacrifice i had made for that module was heavy, the price of distinction came at a heavy price. if i have to redo it all over again, i really want to screw the module. i didn't wanna go uni for grades. i know how good my brain is, but other than that, i have hardly anything. my heart... hard as stone? my attitude? problematic. at the midpoint of my uni life, i am still stuck at square one. all brain, and nothing else.
i want to do nerdy things like rubix cube, differential equation.
i want to do things which i want, not things which i have to do.
i want people who have irks me to take some initiative and either shape up or leave.
There is just something which money can't buy and one of them is good governance.
posted @ 10:47 AM ||
